Exclusive Interview Al "Dick" Perry...2012 Presidential Candidate!!

Tucson singer-songwriter Al "Dick" Perry has thrown his hat in the ring as Republican candidate in the upcoming U.S.Presidential election. SLIT music fanzine is fortunate enough to have been granted his first interview with the press! Read on....!

from the front page of Al Perry's presidential nomination papers

SLIT:  In your songs, you've talked about "Losers". Does President Al Perry have anything to say to "Losers"?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: President Al Perry has absolutely nothing to say to "Losers".  President Al Perry is a "Winner" who is devoted to winning, and victory.  Losing is not an option.

SLIT: What's the most important problem facing America today?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: There are so many problems facing America today.  I think our system of "campaign contributions" and "lobbying" constitute LEGALIZED BRIBERY.  You don't hear of any candidates talking about  the issues.  Instead it's all about fundraising.  This puts our representatives in the position of being beholden to corporate interests, instead of the citizens.  A reform of this system would go a long way in terms of changing things.

Another snip from Al "Dick" Perry's nomination papers

SLIT:  Which Arizona politician is your mentor or inspiration? Have you met?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: A couple obvious ones: Gabrielle Giffords, and Raul Grijalva.  I've met both of them. Arizona is rightfully proud of them, and they continue to inspire me. We're fortunate to have them.

A couple other  favorites are Ev Mecham, Sheriff Joe, and that good ol bumbling Mayor Bob.  They are not a source of inspiration, but rather a source of comedy. They show what NOT to do.

SLIT:  What are your plans for stimulating the economy?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: Besides my answer to #2 above, I believe the corporate charter should be immediately abolished.  This states that a corporation is legally obligated to produce maximum profits for the shareholders. They can be sued if they don't. I think this is largely responsible for why many of our jobs have been outsourced. Also, let's get a fair tax structure going. The corporations and the wealthy are not paying their fair share of taxes. It's pretty easy to figure this stuff out, though our elected representatives just don't seem to get it.  They don't get it because they are all bought off.
Most idiots think that our problem is the unions and the unnecessary regulations that force companies to get out of the country.  They move to other countries because they don't want to pay American workers a living wage, and they want to obtain obscene profits.

SLIT:  Is Circle K sponsoring your campaign? If no, why not?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: No, but that's a good idea. Except then I'd be beholden to them.  I have certainly put enough Circle Ks in my watercolors!  Good of you to give me this question, cause I've been so serious up until now.  The thing is, people expect me to take this as some sort of joke, but my campaign platform is deadly serious. I have some proposals that will change the course this country is on.  I am not trying to be zany and tacky here.

SLIT: What's your campaign slogan? Does it rhyme? If no, why not?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: Don't vote for Rick! Vote for a Dick!  My name on the ballot will be appearing as Al "Dick" Perry.  Homage to another Dick, Richard Nixon.  If anyone can think of a better slogan, though, let me know.

SLIT:   Should politicans "rock out"?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry:  I think you know the answer to that. Of course they should "rock out"!!!! Music has been a source of inspiration to me all my life. Everyone should ROCK OUT!!!!!

SLIT:  Do you have any plans to record a campaign album? Any ideas for a theme song?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: No plans.

SLIT:  So who's your First Lady? (Go on! Just pick one!)
Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: Heck I don't know! Shawna Forde?

SLIT:  How big a role do the arts play in Al Perry's America?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: The arts are EXTREMELY important in my life.  We all benefit from the arts.  Our lives are enriched by the arts, no matter what branch of the arts you're referring to. I feel that education, and the arts should be partially subsidized. Of course we have much more important things to spend our tax dollars on like useless wars and Wall Street bailouts, right?
Good ol Obama ended up with "Obamacare" which in 2014 mandates that every American must purchase health insurance or face a fine.  I propose "Perrycare" which states that all Americans are mandated to buy a turntable and a few Beach Boys albums. Maybe some Buck Owens too.  No CD players, no mp3s. There is a reason why vinyl (and analog in general) is a superior form of music delivery.  I am doing this for the mental health of the nation.  Listen to "All Summer Long" and you'll see why.  If you like, I can explain the physics of it, and I can also recommend some good turntables and stereos to purchase.

SLIT:  President Obama has recently stated that "laziness is his worst fault". What do you see as your biggest fault?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: I don't concur w/ George W. Obama on much, but laziness is likely my worst fault.  Plus I am kind of stupid and a doofus.

SLIT:  President Obama was recently described as "Spock-like" due to his cool controlled demeanor. Do you think it's fair to compare politicians to space aliens?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: I certainly can't compare them to human beings!

SLIT:  What's your opinion of the "Occupy" Movement? Is it an effective vehicle for creating economic fairness?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: I agree with their points, I don't think the method was appropriate.  Pitching a tent in the park and having a drum circle while they claim that the Constitution trumps basic laws, I think is pretty doggone silly. I think my candidacy is likely pretty doggone silly too, in a certain way.  However I do feel I am participating in the political process.

SLIT: Is pepper spray good for the country?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: I am not sure about that.  I had this problem recently:  Every time I had sex, I would get a horrible burning sensation in my eyes.  Turned out it was the pepper spray causing it. So, maybe it's not good for the country.

"I propose 'Perrycare...for the mental health of the nation"

SLIT:  Any creative ideas about how we could use cactus to promote tourism in Arizona? ("We Got Cactus!")

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: That song, which was written by one of my greatest pals, Bob McKinley of Bloodspasm is the finest song ever written about Arizona.  I can't stress that enough.

SLIT:  What's your foreign policy? Who's for us, and who's against us?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: I do not think we should be invading sovereign nations.  These costly military adventures have destroyed our reputation as proponents of democracy, freedom and liberty.

SLIT:  FDR said "the only thing to fear is fear itself". Is that true?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: I'd say so, yes.  If that were not true do you think a doofus like me would put his name on the primary ballot?

SLIT:  Are there any formative experiences you've had that have made you the politician that you are?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: Hard to pin something like that down.  I come from a family of Republicans. I'm not rebelling or anything, but I've always been exposed to both sides of the political fence. I just got back from the holiday festivities, and they all love that I'm doing this.  Despite any differences I might have with them politically, I really love my family. I think if you read my campaign platform paper you'll see that my simple suggestions for getting this country back on track appeal to anyone of any political stripe. I use logic, common sense and basic human decency when I evaluate an issue.

SLIT:  Are Arizona's best days yet to come?

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: Well, I sure hope so! 

SLIT:  Thank you candidate Al Perry! Please add anything else you'd like to say to our readers!

Candidate Al "Dick" Perry: I know a lot of people are gonna expect me to be funny and zany, and I could easily do that and make a joke out of this whole thing.  However I have some valid points that I'd like to be heard.  People have told me for years that I am the "unofficial mayor of Tucson" and that I should run for something.  So I guess I could run for, I dunno, city council, then mayor, then governor, representative, the Senate, etc... But there are too many problems facing our country that if they are not addressed in a timely fashion, we'll go right down the damn tubes.  So, I'm starting at the top!